This was recently produced and posted on Ibrahim:
http://www.redgatefilms.com/hyd/kabbani.html
We will let the video do the talking.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Monday, December 8, 2008
This talk was originally given by Ibrahim's mom, Kathy Kabbani to the Yosemite High School student body on the first year anniversary of Ibrahim's tragic death--September 18 2008. It seems like a good place to start the conversation.
Think 100 Times
Last time I was with you, I asked you to think 100 times when you get into a car—and especially when you get behind the wheel. How has your thinking been going? You are almost done with another school year—a lot more knowledge, a lot more experiences. Are you making better decisions? Nearly 400 years ago Descartes suggested, “Cogito, ergo sum.” (I am thinking, therefore I am). Although Descartes was talking about thoughts only, I am here today to suggest that if you don’t think—that is, if you don’t make the right decisions, in many situations in today’s environment—it can kill you. The historian/philosopher Hugh Nibley builds on these ideas, explaining, “We hold thousands of instantaneous impressions in suspension just long enough to make our choices and drop those we don’t want.” To make choices we have to measure, prioritize, and assign values. Our values reflect how we see the world and the meaning we attach to the inputs we receive. This distinct meaning leads to distinct actions. These actions eventually add up to our progress to our desired goals.
We can’t control everything, but our decision-making does drive most everything we do from the simplest almost subconscious things to the major actions of our lives. Every choice we make affects our personal environment as well as the world around us. We do not have the freedom to choose the consequences resulting from our response, however. Ibrahim and the other young men in the car that day made the decision to get in the vehicle. Every one of those young men and their families and friends are struggling with those consequences even now. The only real freedom we have is in that space between stimulus and response. What fills that space is what separates the successful from the mistaken, in some cases, the living from the dead.
We are all fairly intelligent, right? Let me tell you about the the Fairly Intelligent Fly: A large spider in an old house built a beautiful web in which to catch flies. Every time a fly landed on the web and was entangled in it the spider devoured him, so that when another fly came along he would think the web was a safe and quiet place in which to rest. One day a fairly intelligent fly buzzed around above the web so long without lighting that the spider appeared and said, “Come on down.” But the fly was too clever for him and said, “I never light where I don’t see other flies and I don’t see any other flies in your house.” So he flew away until he came to a place where there were a great many other flies. He was about to settle down among them when a bee buzzed up and said, “Hold it, stupid, that’s flypaper. All those flies are trapped.” “Don’t be silly,” said the fly, “They’re dancing.” So he settled down and became stuck to the flypaper with all the other flies. Do we sometimes make decisions because of peer pressure? Because it sounds or looks fun? Some of the young men in the car with Ibrahim went along because everyone else was doing it....
I know Ibrahim and I think maybe he went along for another reason that can be just as dangerous for all of us. I want to see how well you are thinking right now—try to guess who this is:
I am your constant companion, I am your greatest helper or your heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am at your command.
Half of the tasks that you do you might just as well turn over to me and I will do them quickly and correctly.
I am easily managed, you must merely be firm with me.
Show me exactly how you want something done; after a few lessons I will do it automatically.
I am the servant of all great people and alas of all failures as well.
Those who are great I have made great, those who are failure I have made failures.
I am not a machine, but I work with all the precision of a machine, plus the intelligence of a person.
Now you may run me for profit or you may run me for ruin.
It makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will lay the world at your feet.
Be easy with me and I will destroy you.
Who am I?
I am Habit.
It was Ibrahim’s habit to support others—I can even hear him volunteer to ride in the very back where there was no seat or seat belt. Commendable, but the wrong decision. Maybe you don’t think habit is very powerful—let’s see. Clasp you hands together and wiggle the thumb on top. Now separate your hands and put them back together with the other thumb on top. Feels weird, huh. Now, cross your arms. Wiggle the hand on top. Now separate your arms and fold them together again with the other arm on top... I see a lot of you can’t even do it? Why not? Habit. You don’t even think about it; you have turned that over to habit. Be careful what habits you accept and which you reject in your lives. That is a secret to success that will take you to great heights. And you are destined for great things—every one of you.
So how do we think 100 times? We make decisions for the best reasons—not because of peer pressure, and not turn decisions over to inappropriate habits for the situation. For some of us that might take 100 times. 100 times of what? The Round Trip: Decisions deserve time if we have the time. When we don’t have time, we most often turn the decision over to habit—that quick gut feeling that says this is what I should do. Some decisions are made because our heart says it is the right thing to do; some because our mind says it’s the logical thing to do. I think the best decisions are made when the round trip journey between the stomach, the heart, and the mind is completed—and that takes time—maybe 100 times. Our emotions can tell our heart something and it might be wrong, like getting mad at your sister because you had a bad day at school. Our mind can help us with that. Sometimes our mind can say this is the logical thing to do, but it may not be the right thing to do, like telling grandma she forgot the sugar in the cookies she spent all afternoon making for you. Our heart can help us with that. But it takes a little bit of time to make that round trip.”
Benjamin Franklin said, “The foundation of all happiness is thinking rightly.” And how do we think rightly? He also gave us that answer: “We stand at the crossroads, each minute, each hour, each day, making choices. We choose the thoughts we allow ourselves to think, the passions we allow ourselves to feel, and the actions we allow ourselves to perform. Each choice is made in the context of whatever value system we’ve selected to govern our lives. In selecting that value system, we are, in a very real way, making the most important choice we will ever make.” Value life more than peer pressure. Value making smart decisions rather than turning them over to habit. Be quick to observe—using both meanings of that word: observe by looking at the situation and follow—observe the things you know, the knowledge and experiences of your lives and the lives of others, the values that you have selected to help you reach your goals. And be more thoughtful in your decisions. Think 100 times.
Think 100 Times
Last time I was with you, I asked you to think 100 times when you get into a car—and especially when you get behind the wheel. How has your thinking been going? You are almost done with another school year—a lot more knowledge, a lot more experiences. Are you making better decisions? Nearly 400 years ago Descartes suggested, “Cogito, ergo sum.” (I am thinking, therefore I am). Although Descartes was talking about thoughts only, I am here today to suggest that if you don’t think—that is, if you don’t make the right decisions, in many situations in today’s environment—it can kill you. The historian/philosopher Hugh Nibley builds on these ideas, explaining, “We hold thousands of instantaneous impressions in suspension just long enough to make our choices and drop those we don’t want.” To make choices we have to measure, prioritize, and assign values. Our values reflect how we see the world and the meaning we attach to the inputs we receive. This distinct meaning leads to distinct actions. These actions eventually add up to our progress to our desired goals.
We can’t control everything, but our decision-making does drive most everything we do from the simplest almost subconscious things to the major actions of our lives. Every choice we make affects our personal environment as well as the world around us. We do not have the freedom to choose the consequences resulting from our response, however. Ibrahim and the other young men in the car that day made the decision to get in the vehicle. Every one of those young men and their families and friends are struggling with those consequences even now. The only real freedom we have is in that space between stimulus and response. What fills that space is what separates the successful from the mistaken, in some cases, the living from the dead.
We are all fairly intelligent, right? Let me tell you about the the Fairly Intelligent Fly: A large spider in an old house built a beautiful web in which to catch flies. Every time a fly landed on the web and was entangled in it the spider devoured him, so that when another fly came along he would think the web was a safe and quiet place in which to rest. One day a fairly intelligent fly buzzed around above the web so long without lighting that the spider appeared and said, “Come on down.” But the fly was too clever for him and said, “I never light where I don’t see other flies and I don’t see any other flies in your house.” So he flew away until he came to a place where there were a great many other flies. He was about to settle down among them when a bee buzzed up and said, “Hold it, stupid, that’s flypaper. All those flies are trapped.” “Don’t be silly,” said the fly, “They’re dancing.” So he settled down and became stuck to the flypaper with all the other flies. Do we sometimes make decisions because of peer pressure? Because it sounds or looks fun? Some of the young men in the car with Ibrahim went along because everyone else was doing it....
I know Ibrahim and I think maybe he went along for another reason that can be just as dangerous for all of us. I want to see how well you are thinking right now—try to guess who this is:
I am your constant companion, I am your greatest helper or your heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am at your command.
Half of the tasks that you do you might just as well turn over to me and I will do them quickly and correctly.
I am easily managed, you must merely be firm with me.
Show me exactly how you want something done; after a few lessons I will do it automatically.
I am the servant of all great people and alas of all failures as well.
Those who are great I have made great, those who are failure I have made failures.
I am not a machine, but I work with all the precision of a machine, plus the intelligence of a person.
Now you may run me for profit or you may run me for ruin.
It makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will lay the world at your feet.
Be easy with me and I will destroy you.
Who am I?
I am Habit.
It was Ibrahim’s habit to support others—I can even hear him volunteer to ride in the very back where there was no seat or seat belt. Commendable, but the wrong decision. Maybe you don’t think habit is very powerful—let’s see. Clasp you hands together and wiggle the thumb on top. Now separate your hands and put them back together with the other thumb on top. Feels weird, huh. Now, cross your arms. Wiggle the hand on top. Now separate your arms and fold them together again with the other arm on top... I see a lot of you can’t even do it? Why not? Habit. You don’t even think about it; you have turned that over to habit. Be careful what habits you accept and which you reject in your lives. That is a secret to success that will take you to great heights. And you are destined for great things—every one of you.
So how do we think 100 times? We make decisions for the best reasons—not because of peer pressure, and not turn decisions over to inappropriate habits for the situation. For some of us that might take 100 times. 100 times of what? The Round Trip: Decisions deserve time if we have the time. When we don’t have time, we most often turn the decision over to habit—that quick gut feeling that says this is what I should do. Some decisions are made because our heart says it is the right thing to do; some because our mind says it’s the logical thing to do. I think the best decisions are made when the round trip journey between the stomach, the heart, and the mind is completed—and that takes time—maybe 100 times. Our emotions can tell our heart something and it might be wrong, like getting mad at your sister because you had a bad day at school. Our mind can help us with that. Sometimes our mind can say this is the logical thing to do, but it may not be the right thing to do, like telling grandma she forgot the sugar in the cookies she spent all afternoon making for you. Our heart can help us with that. But it takes a little bit of time to make that round trip.”
Benjamin Franklin said, “The foundation of all happiness is thinking rightly.” And how do we think rightly? He also gave us that answer: “We stand at the crossroads, each minute, each hour, each day, making choices. We choose the thoughts we allow ourselves to think, the passions we allow ourselves to feel, and the actions we allow ourselves to perform. Each choice is made in the context of whatever value system we’ve selected to govern our lives. In selecting that value system, we are, in a very real way, making the most important choice we will ever make.” Value life more than peer pressure. Value making smart decisions rather than turning them over to habit. Be quick to observe—using both meanings of that word: observe by looking at the situation and follow—observe the things you know, the knowledge and experiences of your lives and the lives of others, the values that you have selected to help you reach your goals. And be more thoughtful in your decisions. Think 100 times.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
